For the most part, this will be about myself trying to come to terms with who I am and Why I do the things I do. Well I suppose we best start at my first sexual experience, which is probably where it all started. It was when I was about to turn 16 (god that seems so long ago now) my then girlfriend, and to be honest the only really serious one that I had up to then, decided that we should both become each others firsts. For those of you who dont know what that means, it is when 2 people who are virgins dicide for one reason or another to sleep together, have sex, horizontal mambo or whatever you want to call it. The evening started pleasently enough, we were with our friends who were all from the same school and roughly the same age and all had partners, so there was no danger of being the odd person out otherwise you ended up playing catch with the dog or having to read a story to the younger sister or brother. Myself and my then girlfriend decided that this was the night, we made notions to the girl who's house it was and she recommended her room as the stereo was all set up and supplies would be on hand. The wave of anticipation started to rise (no not that kind rise and not yet anyway). As we approached the room, she turned to me and said 6 words that still remain with most couples today "How do you want to do it?" God theres nothing like putting someone under pressure is there. The music was a touch I thought of. George Michael's Faithless and INXS Kick, 2 albums that too this day still remain in my head and in my heart. Now, what you all need to understand is that up to this point, my sexual experience has been nothing more than a quick fumble, some wet and some times smelly fingers on my part and the once said by your girlfriend never forgotten "where do you expect me to put that, cos it aint coming anywhere near me?" As Georges silky tones start up, and I still dont know why people do this but we got under the covers fully clothed. I know that back then it seemed the normal thing to do, but now it just seemed weired. Theres alot of kissing, tongues (french), plenty of groping and to be honest this was mainly me, and then to both of our delights the clothes start coming off. WARNING!!! if you decide to do any of this, dont for gods sake dont wear anything sharp, I still have reminders of her belt buckle stabbing me in the balls, although the aftercare was okay. What some of you need to understand is that when I was in sex ed class and it came to the section of putting on a condom, I was looking outside at the girls doing rounders or was that netball, all I know is they were wearing short skirts. So this has some impact on me and my then girlfriend trying to put what I thought was a baloon and the end of my semi erect penis. Anyway, after a couple of failed attempts, we decided to do this first one natrually (without protection). Now I know there are some of you out there shouting at your screens right now saying things like "what kind of example are you trying to set" etc etc. well anyway, alls well that ends well and no she didn't get pregnant.